Pappa wants mamma naked
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
