Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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