God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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