You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
