quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
