I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize