dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
