i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
