she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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