She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Two words: nipple clamps
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
