Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
