Texts From Last Night · kgarcia356's Favorites

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kgarcia356's Favorites Texts:

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(315): View more from New York

I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.

Fav 4 2297 1314
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(516): View more from New York

I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

Fav 15 4925 1176
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(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

Fav 23 12179 1428
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

Fav 18 5430 1230
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(954): View more from Florida

We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

Fav 5 4200 1225
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(817): View more from Texas

I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

Fav 12 8566 1365
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(214): View more from Texas

new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

Fav 22 9821 1544
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(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

Fav 58 27725 1894
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