Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
