maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
