Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
