Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
