I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
