he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
