I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
