Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
