He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
