We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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