Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
