Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
