just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
