Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think my fart just growled at me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
