The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
