i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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