apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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