I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
