C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
