Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
