new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
