Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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