You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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