Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
