my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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