you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
