i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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