At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
