Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Randomize
