things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
