I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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