you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
