Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
