I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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