Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
