that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
two words...techno handjob
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
