You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
