I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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