So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Shame - the story of my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
